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aconsultingwarlock:

itsajensenthing:

starlit-notes:

I would like to thank my arms, for always being by side. My legs, for always supporting me, and my fingers…because I can always count on them.

this will be my speech when i win an oscar

Don’t forget the hips, for not lying. 

(Source: ohrendelle, via absolute--anarchy)

thecutestofthecute:

English Cream Dachshund 

(Source: facebook.com, via pumkinpiemotherfucker)

thtwhitegurrl:

slutdust:

I bought my friend an elephant for their room.

They said “Thank you.”

I said “Don’t mention it.”

Is there a joke here that 15 thousand people get but I don’t?

(via lifesucksmoveon)

succulentthighs:

Do you ever just like flex your foot wrong and it cramps and you’re just like this is it, this is how it ends 

(Source: pheberoni, via pizza)

brunette-nymphette:

This is the best episode ever

(Source: thingsilearnedfromsatc, via no-one-gets-out--alive)

mrsdallogay:

mrsdallogay:

my life got about a thousand times better once i stopped censoring myself

and by censoring i don’t mean i suddenly embraced indiscriminate swearing; i mean i stopped trying to sugarcoat my past or my feelings; i stopped lying by omission; i stopped having guilty pleasures; i began unabashedly enjoying whatever i liked; i became very honest; i cut out of my life poisonous people and negative ideals, and i am so, so much happier for it

(via theywereonlyillusions)