I would like to thank my arms, for always being by side. My legs, for always supporting me, and my fingers…because I can always count on them.
this will be my speech when i win an oscar
Don’t forget the hips, for not lying.
English Cream Dachshund
I bought my friend an elephant for their room.
They said “Thank you.”
I said “Don’t mention it.”
Is there a joke here that 15 thousand people get but I don’t?
Do you ever just like flex your foot wrong and it cramps and you’re just like this is it, this is how it ends
This is the best episode ever
my life got about a thousand times better once i stopped censoring myself
and by censoring i don’t mean i suddenly embraced indiscriminate swearing; i mean i stopped trying to sugarcoat my past or my feelings; i stopped lying by omission; i stopped having guilty pleasures; i began unabashedly enjoying whatever i liked; i became very honest; i cut out of my life poisonous people and negative ideals, and i am so, so much happier for it